Help Your Toddler Do It Themselves

Help Your Toddler Do It Themselves

May 3, 2023 Children

”We’ve hit the ‘terrible twos,” Angela sighed, “and Nicolas is only 18 months old. He doesn’t want to brush his teeth, he gets frustrated putting his own shoes on, and he won’t eat what I want him to!” Like many toddlers, Nicolas, who used to eat happily from a spoon with mom’s help, wants to do everything his way—and he’s getting more picky!

Welcome to the “terrific two’s”, a time when your child gets mad when they can’t do it all by themselves but doesn’t want your help, either. Research shows that when families eat together, children tend to be happier, eat a wider variety of foods and gain weight at a healthier rate. But when your child throws everything ‘good for them’ on the floor, or only wants applesauce pouches, making meals and eating together may feel like more trouble than it’s worth.

families eat together

The Montessori style of teaching has a saying: “Help me do it myself.” Keep this in mind while you help your toddler learn about eating and family meals. If you’re not fighting to get them to eat more or different foods, meals are more pleasant and they will eat better.

Help your toddler “do it themselves”:

sprinkling cinnamon

Let them be “in charge” of something, such as putting napkins on the table, sprinkling cinnamon on oatmeal or spreading peanut butter on crackers.

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Let them use their (clean) hands to explore how food feels.

baby eatting food

Let them practice with forks, spoons and even a dull knife (make sure they’re kid-sized and easy to hold).

girl with food

Let them serve themselves with easy to grab foods like graham crackers and chunks of bananas.

baby eatting food img

Let them feed themselves. Prepare foods so they’re easier for them to eat - like cut up soft fruits, toast strips or roasted sweet potato wedges.

baby eatting food

Let them explore flavors. They can dip fruit in yogurt, or steamed veggies in a favorite dressing, such as honey-mustard.

Convenience With a Price

Pureed foods in pouches seem like a great way to get kids to eat more fruits and vegetables, and toddlers like them because they can be eaten without help. Parents like that there’s no mess and it can feel exciting to watch children grow up and get their own food. But just because your child can, doesn’t mean they should get their own food. You might wonder, “I thought they should do it themselves?” Children can decide some things, like which foods to eat from what parents serve, and how much to eat. But, parents of toddlers still decide what children are offered, and when and where too. This means you decide if and when to give your child a pouch.

Don’t Get Stuck on Pouches

If your toddler only wants pouches, try giving a pouch once or twice a day at meal or snack time. They might not like the changes at first. Start giving them the foods you eat, prepared in ways they can handle.

Here are a few ways those convenient pouches can cause problems:

  • ✓ Kids who eat mostly pouches miss out on learning about how different foods taste and feel, which can make kids more picky.
  • ✓ Too many pouches mean fewer chances to eat chewy and crunchy foods, which build tongue and jaw strength and make it easier to switch to foods your family eats.
  • ✓ Pouches make it too easy to eat on the go, between meals, and children may eat more or less than their bodies need.
  • ✓ Parents may be tempted to skip a meal at the table and let their toddler suck down their meal while watching TV or playing. Missing out on mealtime means your child has less time to learn language skills and manners, which often happen at the dinner table.
baby girl eatting food

A Happier and Healthier Toddler

When Nicolas fed himself at meal and snack times, Angela noted, “He’s eating better. He loved the cut-up spaghetti and it was all over him last night, but he ate some cooked carrots too. He goes straight from dinner to the bathtub and it’s so much less stressful!”