Dealing With Advice From Family and Friends

January 26, 2022 Infant

From the moment you share the news that you’re pregnant the advice begins — and it keeps coming! The time when babies begin exploring solid foods is when you might hear the most suggestions about what, when and how to feed your baby. All the advice leads to second-guessing: am I doing the ‘right’ thing, am I feeding them enough or too much? When you’re unsure, it’s harder to deal with differing, confusing, or even dangerous advice.

Responding to your baby’s cues will be your best guide for how much they need to eat and when to feed them. Your best tool to confidently deal with advice on what to serve is knowledge.

Feeding advice has changed

There has been a lot of research into how and what to feed babies in the last 25 years, resulting in new recommendations. When your mom, neighbor and day care provider were feeding their own babies, doctors likely gave them very different advice. It helps to remember that all parents do what they think is best and that most people really want to help.

Could they be on to something?

Maybe your aunt sees you struggle to get your child to eat or a day care provider notices that your almost one year-old seems far more upset by food than other children she has cared for. Listen and keep a list of questions to discuss with your doctor or WIC provider if you have any concerns.

Once you’ve had your questions answered and have the knowledge to decide how and what you want to feed, it can still be hard to communicate your decisions to those around you.

Here are some tips to deal with advice. Use the phrases as they are or make them work for you:

Say, “Thank you,” or, “That’s interesting,” and keep doing what you are doing.
Change the topic. “Aren’t his dimples the cutest?”
Let little things slide. Let your mother use your old baby plate or spoon, or serve apples instead of pears.
Be specific. “We’re waiting until his birthday to give him cake. He loves mashed bananas!” Or, “His body needs fat, he can finish that whole-fat yogurt cup, and you can open a new one if he’s still hungry.”
Acknowledge that recommendations change. “I know when you raised us, your doctor advised starting cereal when we were two months old, but new research says to wait.”
Ask for help in other ways. “Could you take her for a walk after lunch so I can make that phone call?”
Let them know you’ve got it under control. “Thanks, but please follow my lead on this…” is a quick reminder that you are the parent.
Blame your doctor. “My doctor says we should wait on juice.” Or, “Our doctor said to start baby food when he can sit in his highchair by himself.”
Step in. If someone roughly spoon-feeds your crying baby, or insists she finish every drop in her bottle, try, “I don’t like what you’re doing.”
Be clear about what you want. “I don’t like wasting food either, but I don’t make her eat. If she’s getting upset, I end the meal.” And, “We don’t expect you to make her finish her food. It’s more about learning than getting it in.”
It’s OK to not engage, “Let’s talk about something else.”

Feeling confident with your choices protects you from advice, and a few polite but direct phrases can help you respond calmly and do what’s best for your family.

Beware of Dangerous Advice

The Internet is a prime source for potentially harmful advice. Protect yourself and your baby with knowledge. Your WIC clinic, Live Well Digest, www.ellynsatterinstitute.org and Child of Mine, Feeding with Love and Good Sense by Ellyn Satter are trusted resources.